The Weisman Method of Finding the Right Life Partner

carol-and-frank.jpgIt is so damn painful to watch. We’ve all been there. Two people I care about are separated and talking divorce. Frank and I had our doubts at the wedding, not much more than a year ago. She is a fashionista daughter of wealth who has the odd trifecta of brains, taste and depression. He is hungry for money, the good life and recognition. They both over-indulge. Not a recipe for happiness.

 Four things can kill most marriages, money, sex, relatives, and cleanliness. Money did these two in. She spends, he withholds.

 They are suffering, their parents are in pain, their friends are worried. Could it have been prevented? I think so.

Enter the Weisman Committee Method. My theory is that when you start sleeping with someone, your brain turns to mush. The trick is this: Before you meet someone, appoint a committee of 3-5 people you trust, who care about you and tell them that one day you will bring someone around and ask them one question, “Should I marry this person.” Not, “Is s/he a good person, or a nice person, or an attractive person or do you like this person.” only “Should I marry this person.” If your committee doesn’t unanimously say yes, wait until they do, or take a walk.

When I met Frank 32 years ago, my committee unanimously said yes, and we were engaged in 3 weeks.  We’ve been married for fabulous 31 years.

I have another friend who asked me if she should marry her sweetie. I said yes. I personally can’t stand him, but that isn’t the point. He is perfect for her. They 14 years of wedded bliss and I don’t have to live with the anal-retentive twit.

When my dear young friends are in a little less pain, I will tell them about the Weisman method. I hope the next time  they wed, it is for 31+ years. They are  good people with the wrong partners and they had no committee.

Carol Weisman, MSW, CSP, Frank’s Wife

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